Edward's POV: Breaking Up
by effiecrux
Summary: Edward does not want Bella to come with him, and so he fabricates lies and reasons why he doesn't want her to come. Written in Edward's point of view, it's interesting to imagine how Edward would feel. :New Moon: :OneShot: :Please Review:


"Come for a walk with me," I suggested, taking Bella's soft, warm hand in my own cold, icy one. I struggled to keep all emotion out of my voice, as I fought back the other voices in my head telling me to stop, telling me that I'd regret what I was doing. But I had to. I had to make sure Bella would always be safe, that she would always be safe from me. I was the most dangerous, perilous thing to her, and she didn't deserve to be in danger every second of her life. I kept repeating this to myself, even after seeing the growing panic in her eyes.

I only walked a few steps; I couldn't will myself to go any further. So I leaned against a tree and gazed at her intently, taking in her overwhelming beauty. I couldn't understand how Bella could so easily overlook the fact that she was beautiful and desirable. She fidgeted, shifting her weight from foot to foot and twirling a strand of her hair around her finger unconsciously.

"Okay, let's talk," She said brusquely, avoiding my eyes. I rocked back on my heels and took a deep breath.

"Bella, we're leaving." Had I meant to sound so harsh?

She stared at me blankly for a second, and then sucked in a breath unsteadily. I scanned her eyes carefully, and only saw confusion. She didn't understand...yet. "Why now? Another year-"

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty; and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless," I watched Bella's face warily as I said this. If she hadn't understood before, she would understand now. Horror dawned on Bella's face, and inside, I shuddered guiltily. Before I could say more, she spoke.

"When you say _we_-" She managed to whisper. I cut her off again and gritted my teeth.

"I mean my family and myself," I spoke slowly, as if I were speaking to a small child. Her eyes widened, and she began shaking her head back and forth, squeezing her eyes shut. I could almost, always almost, hear her thoughts. She still thought this wasn't about her, that I was only concerned about my family.

Finally, she spoke. "Okay, I'll come with you." I frowned at that; she was making it unnecessarily harder for me.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you," I choose my words carefully, trying to let her down as easy as possible.

"Where you are is the right place for me," She shot back confidently. My cold, un-beating heart couldn't argue with that, but I had to convince her of otherwise. She seemed to grow more desperate now, the panic escalating in her eyes.

"I'm no good for you, Bella," Inside, I was aching all over. I could see in her eyes that she was starting to believe me. I wanted to yell at her, to shake her and demand why she was even listening to me, why she was even beginning to consider all the black hearted lies I was feeding her. Didn't she know the truth? Didn't she understand that I loved her and that nothing, absolutely _nothing_, could change that? Couldn't she see how much it hurt for me to have to say all of these vile, fallacious things to her?

"Don't be ridiculous," Bella tried to sound furious, but her troubled eyes gave her away. "You're the very best part of my life."

Something inside of me yearned to reach out and hold onto her tightly, and never let go. I longed to protect her from anything that would ever try to harm her. I wanted Bella to be safe, and I wanted to her to be happy, but I knew these two things could not be possible while I was present. I crushed my arms against my sides, hoping she wouldn't notice, and replied stiffly, "My world is not for you."

"What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" She yelled at me hysterically. Yes; nothing, but everything at the same time. What if I had succumbed to the thirst that drove me mad? Who would've stopped Jasper? Would I still be standing here with Bella? I shuddered at the thought of Bella; motionless, cold, silent for the rest of eternity. I vowed that this would never happen, and the thought permitted me to continue to deceive her.

"You're right," I allowed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay –" She accused me indignantly, trying to find some way to make this work out.

"As long as that was best for you," I corrected her gently. She knew that I had never promised her, we had argued about it before she was given medication. I already knew, that at that time, I could not promise I would stay. I could not continually put her in danger after the horrible, unbearable incident with the revolting James.

"_No!_ This is about my soul, isn't it?" Bella exploded, startling me. I was afraid she was really angry with me, but the fear vanished soon after. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!" Her words left my head spinning, and me, stunned into silence. I exhaled sharply and looked away from her distraught face.

I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. Anything else I could say would just hurt her more in the end. I couldn't delay any longer; I had to say the words that would almost certainly make her believe me, though they were so untrue and it hurt for me to even think of them. I had to go through with it. I steeled myself, and carefully locked away my heart. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the worst.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I immediately wanted to take them back the moment after I said them. The words felt foreign and unfamiliar coming from my lips, and I half-expected her to laugh and accuse me of joking. When she didn't, I tried to look as cold and calculating as possible, and I must have succeeded, because Bella instantly noticed a change in my golden eyes and my face.

It took Bella few minutes before she could utter a word. The meaning of my words finally sunk in, and her face crumpled. "You...don't...want me?" She seemed as bewildered as I had been, still managing to choke out the words.

"No." I didn't trust myself to say anymore. She stared at me, her striking, heartbroken eyes searching my own for answers. I gave nothing away, gazing back at her coolly.

"Well, that changes things." I heard how calm her voice sounded, but quickly hid my astonishment. I couldn't afford to mess things up. If I broke down now, I would never be able to stay away. I needed to stay strong for my sake... for Bella's sake.

"Of course, I'll always love you..." I murmured broodingly, then hastily added, "In a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... _tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I looked back at Bella, and I could see she was listening to me intently, taking in every word I said. How I wished I were human, and live a human life with Bella. Wishing wouldn't do me any good now, so I continued, "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." I wasn't sorry, though. I didn't regret spending time with Bella, because I couldn't stand being away from her. Now that I had found her, she was the only reason why I continued to exist... Why I _wanted_ to continue to exist. Nothing in my hundred years of walking upon the earth mattered as much as Bella did to me now. As she still did.

"Don't," Bella whispered, seemingly unable to speak any louder. She stumbled forward, but caught herself. Realization was finally beginning to take hold of her, as she slowly absorbed everything I had said. "Don't do this," She begged weakly, searching my eyes for any hint of hidden humor. She found none.

All I could do was watch her, as my unmoving, un-beating heart shattered into pieces, and then smaller pieces still. "You're not good for me, Bella," My voice broke upon saying her name, but she hadn't seemed to notice. In her eyes, I saw that she truly _believed_ she wasn't good enough, not good enough for me. That she truly _believed_ I didn't want her anymore, which was the most ridiculous, foolish that that I have ever heard. The most ridiculous notion – and Bella, the love of my life, the reason for my existence, believed it.

Bella opened her mouth for a few seconds, but nothing came out. She closed it again, and just gazed at me, brokenly.

"If...that's what you want," She finally managed. I only nodded. She seemed to freeze in time, unable to move.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I said cautiously. Hope flashed across Bella's face, and I let down my guard for half a second. Emotions ran across my face, before I hardened my expression.

"Anything," Bella promised fervently, not even bothering to ask me what the favor was. She didn't even care what I asked. She would promise me anything, when I could not do the same. Guiltily, I looked at Bella's face intensely.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I commanded, still holding her gaze. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" Bella could only nod, as she swallowed a lump in her throat. Afraid that I had given away too much, I carefully composed my face again before continuing, "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him." Even if I wasn't there... even if it wasn't my fault, I couldn't bear if Bella got hurt. I couldn't bear if she... if she killed herself in my absence. I had to make her at least promise me that she wouldn't do anything irresponsible or thoughtless that could harm her in any way.

She continued to move her head up and down numbly. "I will." I loosened myself with her promise, but I wasn't done.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I said, my voice shaking just the tiniest bit. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if _I'd never existed._" I finished strongly; my voice reverberated around us. Bella started to quiver, and then fully tremble. I tried to smile at her. "Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." I tried not to emphasize _your kind_. Bella unconsciously took a step back, as if she'd been struck.

"And your memories?" She said, the words coming out of her throat half-strangled.

"Well," I was caught off guard, and had to swiftly come up with something to say. "I won't forget. But _my_ kind...we're very easily distracted." At this, I smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile.

I took a step back. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." In my haste, I accidentally let slip the plural. Realization lit up Bella's face.

"Alice isn't coming back," She mouthed. She must've been unable to speak, but I could still understand her. I shook my head, still watching her uncertainly.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye," I confirmed, still shaking my head.

"Alice is gone?" She watched me shake my head, and her face seemed to be wiped clear of all emotion, except for incredulity.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you," I said grudgingly. Maybe it would have gone better if Alice were present. Too late now, I shook my head grimly.

Bella started to breathe unevenly, and I knew I would have to take my leave soon. "Goodbye, Bella," I said tranquilly, quietly. I struggled to keep any emotion out of my voice. I was so close.

"Wait!" Bella reached out for me, lurching forward. At first I started to reach out for her as well, but I caught her wrists instead and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Then I couldn't stay any longer.

"Take care of yourself," I whispered breathlessly. I let Bella go and disappeared into the forest.


End file.
